We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sorry my hands just texted you
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
