So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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