No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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