Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
