i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
