omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
