He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
this is an emotional support booty call
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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