We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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