Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
