Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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