I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
