I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
