I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
