i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize