Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
