I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
