I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
