community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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