I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
A bitchslap is in order.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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