video games are the ultimate cock blocker
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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