google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
