idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
tell your sister to shave her snatch
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize