never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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