Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
