I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
