I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
