Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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