Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
