history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
