i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we're so committed to being not committed
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
