what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
