Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
