i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
