apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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