onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
