Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
