The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
