So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
