I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
