he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
