I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
