One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize