I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
