dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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