grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
from now on my penis is your penis
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
