I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
