Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
