I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
