if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
