I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
