I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
