Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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