It was confusing and full of hummus
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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