Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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