So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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