he told me I talked like a deaf person
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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