theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
