I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
