Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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