I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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