Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
