she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You were trust falling into bushes
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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