I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
