never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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