You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
