I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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