We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
