that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
