i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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