you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
